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The Woman from Hell, part one

September 27, 2014

Yes … I’m back! I’ve had a bunch of personal and financial stuff to work out in the past few months, so I haven’t really felt like discussing the lifestyle too much. I haven’t been writing about it either, although I’m gearing up to pen a couple more Full Swap installments.

For today’s entertainment, I’d like to tell you about the woman from hell. Just to give you an idea of what can happen, in a negative sense, as you attempt to find sexual partners that you connect with.

My husband started talking to this couple online. They weren’t the best looking couple around (neither are we), but the guy — we’ll call him Pete — was very nice. He loved my pictures and his wife — we’ll call her Teri — liked my pictures and those of my husband.

Pete was a bit older. He said that he was 36, but he easily looked to be in his 40s. He had a slim built with very little musculature. His wife was a wee bit chunky and oddly shaped because they had decided to drink a shitload of beer every day. But her face was pretty nice. And she had huge, fake boobs. Like … well, pretty ridiculously big, to be honest. At one point, she had been in great shape and was this petite blonde with a huge rack, but those days were gone. Which was fine by us. We don’t like perfection.

This couple was a bit different. Pete was looking for friends with benefits. He and my husband immediately got along over the phone, talking about movies and TV shows and video games, etc. They had a similar sense of humor. Pete also wanted me and his wife to be friends because, as he put it, “this bitch needs to get out of the house.” She was looking for a girl’s night person. I’m not really a girl’s night kind of girl, but I went with it. After all, it would be pretty cool to have a friendly couple who we could hang out with. We were very adamant that we didn’t simply want to go over and hang out and then fuck every time, and that’s exactly what they were looking for.

Even Teri was excited. Apparently, they had hooked up with a couple who said they wanted the same kind of relationship that they were looking for, but when it came to the girl hanging out with Teri in a girl’s night out kind of thing, she wasn’t interested. Little did I know that the answer as to why would be presented to me very soon.

Our first clue that something might be amiss with these two was the fact that Pete wanted her out of the house so desperately. My husband and I aren’t like that. We work together. We have lunch together. We watch movies together. And we never complain about each other. There are some nights when we’ll have “alone nights,” which basically means that if he wants to play video games while I read or get some writing done, that’s fine by us. We’re both welcome to go out with our friends separately if we want, but we love doing things together. He’s my best friend. Pete and Teri, on the other hand, didn’t seem this way at all. They did seem to drink a lot together, though.

We started getting even more suspicious about their relationship when Teri tried to call me to “chat” one night. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone but my husband. Jeff explained this to Pete (we had been stressed out and I don’t like talking on the phone in the first place), but it was clear that Pete was drunk because he basically ignored Jeff’s texts and kept asking if Teri could call me, and then she did so even after my husband explained that we were hanging out together. Pete was pretty rude, but we chalked it up to him being drunk. The next day, things were fine.

At some point, we decided that we all just wanted to hang out together, with no fear of it turning into sex. So on a Saturday, while they were drinking, they began to egg us on about coming over to hang out. We definitely wanted to go because, at the very least, we wanted to hook up with them.

What followed was the opportunity to meet one of the most unpleasant women I have ever come across in my lifetime. Stay tuned for part two in the next 2-3 days and you’ll hear all about it.

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