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Is there a surefire way to talk your significant other into swinging?

November 15, 2013


No, there is not.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s true. Not everyone in the world can be swingers. The reasons as to why someone would refuse to partake in a decidedly fun adventure are plentiful, and each one is easy to understand. Perhaps there is a morality issue that he or she (most likely she — let’s be honest here) can’t overcome. Religious beliefs may or may not be a huge part of that. Maybe your girlfriend doesn’t want to be with another man, period. Or perhaps you don’t like the idea of seeing your woman taking it long and hard from a different guy. Quite frankly, jealousy in a big issue when it comes to swinging. If you can’t trust each other, it’s probably not a good idea to begin the lifestyle.

But let’s say that you have trust, there are no religious or moral issues to overcome, and your relationship is ironclad. How do you broach the subject without getting slapped in the face?

To be honest, you’re going to have to with your gut. Each person is different, which is why there is no surefire way to bring it up. It’s probably not a good idea to be hanging out watching your favorite movie together and blurt out, “You wanna fuck other people, honey?” And definitely don’t say something about it during or right after sex. The only surefire thing that will accomplish is a slap in the face.

If you’re interested in swinging and you want to open up your significant other, then watch his or her “tells” that she might be interested in the opposite sex. Being with another woman is, without a doubt, the biggest reason why women are open to it. Many don’t want to be with a woman on their own, except maybe a little kissing and touching, but the idea of putting on a show for two men can be intoxicating. So while you’re in the dating part of your relationship or even after you’ve settled into a bit of a routine, watch for signs that she might be interested in women. Some may be easier to spot than others.

At some point, you’re just going to have to bite the bullet and bring up the subject of bisexual interaction. My husband attests that every single woman he has dated for more than a couple of months has revealed that she has either messed around with a woman or wants to do so. It is a very common thing, but you need to know where your woman stands. From there, you can tell her how hot it would be to watch her be with a woman, even if it was just making out. Then, if it interests you, ask her about being with a couple. But always make it about her. Avoid being too eager or she’s simply think you want to fuck other women with her blessing. Instead, if you’re comfortable with her fucking another guy — and if you’re not, then you’re a hypocrite, in my opinion — tell her how hot it would be to watch a guy enjoy what you enjoy whenever you want. Women eat that shit up … and for most men, it’s absolutely true, anyway.

For the ladies, you might encounter the same thing — your guy might just think that you’re looking for a way to fuck other men. This is a much easier hump to get over. All you need to do is explain that if you wanted to do this only because you wanted to fuck another guy, you’d simply go to the nearest bar and find a willing participant within ten minutes. Less, if your nipples are poking through your shirt.

The important thing to remember, for both sides of the gender pool, is that swinging isn’t just about sex — though that is obviously a big part of it — it’s about having an adventure together. After the first time my husband and I were with a couple, we woke up the next morning and felt closer together than we ever had before. We had shared something that not too many couples have. And it’s important to emphasis that sharing with your significant other.

As with all things, communication is the key to success. But, above all, if your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. is definitely not into it, unfortunately, it’s best not to press the issue. That will only drive the other person away.


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  1. hollowroseheart permalink

    Very nice 🙂

  2. Here is a contradiction if ever there was one…
    And another dimension to your blog.

    I was always – until I met my husband – quite happy if my boy friends wanted to share me with other lads and I was quite happy knowing that a sexual partner had other girlfriends. I was also very willing to take part in group and multi-partner activities, it didn’t matter how many lads were involved. I often had several sexual partners/boyfriends independent and not known to each other as well as multi partner activities, for example the card school that I got involved with in Manchester where I was, as each game preceded, stripped, and then fucked by the winner. Of an evening there would be several games…
    I was also ok about other girls being involved but not in a sexual way with me, I just could not do it no matter how much they tried to persuade me.
    Know this is the contradiction… It was ok for me to have multi partner sessions with my boyfriend there watching or taking part in MY fucking but it was not ok for HIM to fuck another girl! I was just not happy about him sticking his cock into another girl or even being wanked off by her.
    I just did not like to see my boyfriend seeming to have… more fun… with someone else as I watched, even if I was being fucked by the other girl’s partner at the same time.
    Could it be Jealousy? I don’t think it’s that…I am not sure what it is…Insecurity, maybe.

    It has proved to be a recurring problem for me in one way or another…
    When I met my husband I knew he was something special and put all these activities behind me and as far as I am aware he has no knowledge of my previous life.
    However even today, after 40+ years, it’s alright for me to spend time in the company of other men but as soon as he does the same with women, even if I know them, I don’t like it!


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