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Dealing with flakes

May 6, 2013

Once you dive into the swinging lifestyle, you’ll have to decide how you want to find couples, single males, single females, etc. Some people choose to attend swinger parties. Others go to bars and pick up other couples or singles. And some, like my husband and I, look online. It really all depends on what you’re comfortable with.

The problem with online sites, even ones such as Craigslist, is wading through the fakers and the flakers. Fakers are those sad single males who pretend to be a female or couple, so as to get naked pictures and possibly more. I’ll discuss those pathetic guys in more detail at a later date. For now, let’s stick with the flakes.

More often than not, this happens with first timers. It’s one thing to discuss fucking complete strangers in your home or theirs. It’s another to actually do it. Between the initial contact and the initial get together, a lot can happen. Perhaps one of them gets cold feet. Or maybe something simply comes up. Of course, it’s also possible that both realized that the excitement of thinking about it is enough for them to spice things up.

So how do you deal with flakers? To be honest, you simply have to be patient, suck it up, and deal with it. If they say something came up, maybe something really did. Maybe they’re not flaking at all. We were with a very nice couple on two separate occasions and the first time, something came up right before we were supposed to get together. But it was real. They didn’t want to avoid coming over. It just happened that way. My husband and I try not to flake, but the one time we did, the couple got a little nasty (well, the guy did, at least) and said we were full of shit. Honestly, we don’t have any need for that kind of attitude. Oh wait … we did kind of flake on a second couple, now that I’m thinking about it. But we did so far in advance, because we weren’t sure about the date … and the guy’s response was pretty vile, if you ask me.

People flaking out sucks. It’s true. But it’s important to keep in mind that different people are at different levels of comfort, and some people just might not be ready. And in this day and age, things can come up at the drop of a hat. Perhaps a babysitter couldn’t be found or one of them got sick, or they simply weren’t in the mood that specific night for whatever reason. Don’t let it get you down. There are plenty of people out there, and no reason to be nasty to someone who flakes out, because it happens to everyone at some point. Just go to a different couple and keep that flaking couple on the back burner just in case. Who knows … they could turn out to be the best experience you’ve ever had.


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