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The Woman from Hell, part one

Yes … I’m back! I’ve had a bunch of personal and financial stuff to work out in the past few months, so I haven’t really felt like discussing the lifestyle too much. I haven’t been writing about it either, although I’m gearing up to pen a couple more Full Swap installments.

For today’s entertainment, I’d like to tell you about the woman from hell. Just to give you an idea of what can happen, in a negative sense, as you attempt to find sexual partners that you connect with.

My husband started talking to this couple online. They weren’t the best looking couple around (neither are we), but the guy — we’ll call him Pete — was very nice. He loved my pictures and his wife — we’ll call her Teri — liked my pictures and those of my husband.

Pete was a bit older. He said that he was 36, but he easily looked to be in his 40s. He had a slim built with very little musculature. His wife was a wee bit chunky and oddly shaped because they had decided to drink a shitload of beer every day. But her face was pretty nice. And she had huge, fake boobs. Like … well, pretty ridiculously big, to be honest. At one point, she had been in great shape and was this petite blonde with a huge rack, but those days were gone. Which was fine by us. We don’t like perfection.

This couple was a bit different. Pete was looking for friends with benefits. He and my husband immediately got along over the phone, talking about movies and TV shows and video games, etc. They had a similar sense of humor. Pete also wanted me and his wife to be friends because, as he put it, “this bitch needs to get out of the house.” She was looking for a girl’s night person. I’m not really a girl’s night kind of girl, but I went with it. After all, it would be pretty cool to have a friendly couple who we could hang out with. We were very adamant that we didn’t simply want to go over and hang out and then fuck every time, and that’s exactly what they were looking for.

Even Teri was excited. Apparently, they had hooked up with a couple who said they wanted the same kind of relationship that they were looking for, but when it came to the girl hanging out with Teri in a girl’s night out kind of thing, she wasn’t interested. Little did I know that the answer as to why would be presented to me very soon.

Our first clue that something might be amiss with these two was the fact that Pete wanted her out of the house so desperately. My husband and I aren’t like that. We work together. We have lunch together. We watch movies together. And we never complain about each other. There are some nights when we’ll have “alone nights,” which basically means that if he wants to play video games while I read or get some writing done, that’s fine by us. We’re both welcome to go out with our friends separately if we want, but we love doing things together. He’s my best friend. Pete and Teri, on the other hand, didn’t seem this way at all. They did seem to drink a lot together, though.

We started getting even more suspicious about their relationship when Teri tried to call me to “chat” one night. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone but my husband. Jeff explained this to Pete (we had been stressed out and I don’t like talking on the phone in the first place), but it was clear that Pete was drunk because he basically ignored Jeff’s texts and kept asking if Teri could call me, and then she did so even after my husband explained that we were hanging out together. Pete was pretty rude, but we chalked it up to him being drunk. The next day, things were fine.

At some point, we decided that we all just wanted to hang out together, with no fear of it turning into sex. So on a Saturday, while they were drinking, they began to egg us on about coming over to hang out. We definitely wanted to go because, at the very least, we wanted to hook up with them.

What followed was the opportunity to meet one of the most unpleasant women I have ever come across in my lifetime. Stay tuned for part two in the next 2-3 days and you’ll hear all about it.

Full Swap compilation, volumes 4-6

My immediate future is filled with a lot of writing, so I’ll make this short and sweet.

The second compilation of my Full Swap series is now on Amazon. This book covers volumes 4-6 of the series. Like the first compilation, it is heavily discounted at only $3.99, and this will be the last compilation that I’m able to do for a while. New volumes are coming, possibly one next week, but after I write that and a few fiction stories, I’ll be taking a short break to spend time with my family … time that doesn’t involve other naked people.

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Swinger Safety 101

Being a swinger can be a very exciting experience. When you and your partner are in sync, you get to enjoy the experience on a very deep level, bringing you closer together in a way that many couples will never get to realize. Many couples and singles talk about it, but only a fraction ever suck it up and give it a whirl. Of course, many people aren’t equip to handle the lifestyle. Jealousy and anger can often rear its ugly head.

There’s another side to swinging that you simply can’t take for granted — safety. While most of the time, you only need to worry about the many flakes out there, it is necessary that you take certain precautions to enjoy the safety of everyone involved. Here are some quick tips and if you have your own, feel free to add them to the comments:

Voice verify — There are many single males out there who will make up silly stories about their girlfriend or wife being out of town or whatever. Chances are, the guy either doesn’t have a significant other or is going behind her back. To avoid this, make sure the women voice verify with each other. Personally, I don’t like talking on the phone to anyone, so I always make it short and sweet.

Insist on getting a phone number — This probably won’t be a problem since most people have cell phones now. Whatever you do, don’t invite a single guy or couple over to your place without getting the phone number, even if you decide not to voice verify for some reason. The last thing you want is to invite someone over who hasn’t provided you with any personal information except for an anonymous e-mail address.

Meet in public somewhere — Many couples, us included, prefer to invite a couple over for fun without meeting up first, which is why we’ll often chat with someone for a while before inviting them over (although we have, admittedly, taken a risk that they were serial killers in the past). If you’re weary about this, though, meeting in a public place is a good idea. Not only is this safer, you can also make sure that everyone is attracted to each other and wants to continue.

Don’t drink too much — If something does go awry, you don’t want to be sloshed. When my husband and I play, I have a tendency to drink a little more than I should. But Jeff has very little to drink when we’re with a couple for this exact reason.

Find out rules beforehand — Each couple has their own rules. Some are really wild and kinky, to the point where it may be too much for some couples to handle. Discuss any rules of what is and is not permitted before getting together. If not, the other guy — through no fault of his own — might go for ass, spank, slap, etc. and cause a very awkward situation.

Prepare for the worst-case scenario — The chances of someone in this lifestyle being violent is slim to none. However, it’s always a good idea to keep the worst-case scenario in your head. My husband is extremely cautious most of the time, so he always preps in two different ways. First, he gives each couple’s information (clean picture, phone number, e-mail address, etc.) to one of his good friends who knows about everything that he does. Second, he leaves a canister of pepper spray in our bedroom. While this may seem like an extreme precaution, one that we don’t ever expect to use, it’s better to be safe than sorry. After all, unless these people are your friends, you don’t really know them.

Never be afraid to say no — If you don’t get a good feeling about a couple, even after they’ve arrived at your home, don’t be afraid to tell them straight. You’re under no obligation to have sex with them if things feel awkward or uncomfortable.

Full Swap compilation, volumes 1-3

Although I don’t have access to all of my files, I was able to compile the first three volumes of my Full Swap series into one big — and deeply discounted — volume. Separately, the price of each book is $2.99. But now that they’ve all been out for a while, this first compilation is only $3.99. which cuts the price to only $1.33 for each one. I’ll be doing a second compilation of volumes 4-6, but that’s probably a couple more months down the road, if not longer. I also edited a few areas that we’re quite up to snuff.

Here is the spiffy new cover for this release:

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Two new Full Swap books

Sometimes, I feel as if I’m never going to catch up with all the writing I need to do. Perhaps I should stop having sex so much. Hmm … nah.

Anyway … I’ve released two new volumes of the Full Swap series, both available on Amazon. I should also be releasing a compilation of volumes 1-4 by tomorrow, in addition to 2-3 new books within the next few weeks. Then I’ll be all caught up. And don’t worry — we are still having a variety of adventures, so it never gets boring. Or at least, I hope it never does.

Volume Five celebrates a series of new adventures after taking a break for a while to work on some family stuff and spend time without bringing couples into the mix (which we think is healthy to do every once in a while — a sabbatical from sex, if you will).

Volume Six concerns, as the title clearly states, a sexual awakening that began to come to light in the stories of volume five, but wasn’t fully understood until later.

FS V5 3D copy FS V6 3D copy

Being rejected kinda sucks

My husband and I try not to be too picky when it comes to couples. Obviously, we have certain standards when it comes to who we hook up with, but at the end of the day, sex is sex and as long as it’s fun, it’s not a big deal. Plus, when you open up your horizons a bit, you’ll find that you can be pleasantly surprised. That’s one reason why we try to look at personality and looks together. And, to be honest, whereas we can overlook certain inadequacies in regards to appearance (since we’re definitely not perfect) for a great personality, it typically doesn’t go the other way.

To date, we have never rejected a couple, and we’ve definitely been with some average looking couples. But we look at it this way — we’ve been with couples who were more attractive than us, too, so it all balances out in the end. Unfortunately, during a recent trip to Vegas, we proved how accepting we could be while also being handed the short end of the stick.

We typically don’t hook up with more than one couple on the same weekend, but this being Vegas, we decided to have more fun than usual. The first night, we hooked up with a very nice couple who actually lived in California, as well. They were both acceptable, so we made our way to their hotel. Once we got there, they honestly weren’t what we expected. The guy was pretty shy … I think I scared him a bit. The girl, though, was a bit Amazonian. She had a bit of weight to her. In person, they wouldn’t have been out first choice, but both of them were so nice and inviting — especially the girl — that we went upstairs after a bit and had some fun. The girl was embarrased by her weight, so she wouldn’t take her shirt off, but that was okay. We both enjoyed ourselves quite a bit (though, admittedly, I passed out during the sex — I’ll tell that whole story in a future edition of my Full Swap series).

A few nights later, a couple who we had been talking to since before we left for Vegas got in contact with us and wanted to know if we were able to stay an extra night, because they wanted to be with us. As it turns out, we hadn’t even had a chance to gamble — just a lot of walking around — so after checking the price for another night, we decided to stay an additional day.

All day long, my husband texted with the guy from the couple. He was definitely down to fuck. He loved my pics and had talked quite a bit about what he planned to do with me. His wife, on the other hand — as we would soon find out — was a stuck-up bitch (we knew she had the “bitch look,” but tried to ignore it). It started with the guy suddenly asking for face pics again, even though we had sent them several. We sent a selfie (that’s the first time I’ve ever written that word, btw) and it was fine.

When they arrived at our hotel room, though, they immediately started acting weird. The guy lowered the lights and closed the curtain, then they sat on the bed. My husband is convinced that the girl just wasn’t into him. He wasn’t bothered with that, but it was kinda weird — her husband was older and was only mildly good looking. Plus, he admitted that he had a small cock and was looking forward to watching his wife get fucked by my husband’s thick one. Personally, I wasn’t attracted to either of them, but I was more than willing to get down and have some fun.

Then, out of the blue, after whispering to each other for a few seconds, they told us that they were going to leave. We had no idea what to say. This had never happened with us before. We were really nice about it, but after they left, we felt incredibly rejected. Part of it was due to the fact that they left right after I had returned from the restroom with only my shirt and underwear left on. Which made me feel incredibly unattractive, despite my husband trying to convince me that the guy’s woman simply wasn’t into him. We’ll never know exactly what it was, but we definitely know it was the wife who made the decision.

Obviously, we can’t force anyone to have sex with us … and there’s always another couple out there … one that not only looks better, but has a better personality. From talking to them about their limited experience in the lifestyle, it was clear that the guy was much more into it than he was. In fact, we later discovered two very interesting facts. First, the guy had been arrested a few years before for propositioning a prostitute while he was a teacher. And second, he was heavily involved in his church and had repented his sins. 

So, although it sucked that we had been rejected, we could take some solace in the fact that they would be going to hell. ;-)

Is there a surefire way to talk your significant other into swinging?

No.

No, there is not.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s true. Not everyone in the world can be swingers. The reasons as to why someone would refuse to partake in a decidedly fun adventure are plentiful, and each one is easy to understand. Perhaps there is a morality issue that he or she (most likely she — let’s be honest here) can’t overcome. Religious beliefs may or may not be a huge part of that. Maybe your girlfriend doesn’t want to be with another man, period. Or perhaps you don’t like the idea of seeing your woman taking it long and hard from a different guy. Quite frankly, jealousy in a big issue when it comes to swinging. If you can’t trust each other, it’s probably not a good idea to begin the lifestyle.

But let’s say that you have trust, there are no religious or moral issues to overcome, and your relationship is ironclad. How do you broach the subject without getting slapped in the face?

To be honest, you’re going to have to with your gut. Each person is different, which is why there is no surefire way to bring it up. It’s probably not a good idea to be hanging out watching your favorite movie together and blurt out, “You wanna fuck other people, honey?” And definitely don’t say something about it during or right after sex. The only surefire thing that will accomplish is a slap in the face.

If you’re interested in swinging and you want to open up your significant other, then watch his or her “tells” that she might be interested in the opposite sex. Being with another woman is, without a doubt, the biggest reason why women are open to it. Many don’t want to be with a woman on their own, except maybe a little kissing and touching, but the idea of putting on a show for two men can be intoxicating. So while you’re in the dating part of your relationship or even after you’ve settled into a bit of a routine, watch for signs that she might be interested in women. Some may be easier to spot than others.

At some point, you’re just going to have to bite the bullet and bring up the subject of bisexual interaction. My husband attests that every single woman he has dated for more than a couple of months has revealed that she has either messed around with a woman or wants to do so. It is a very common thing, but you need to know where your woman stands. From there, you can tell her how hot it would be to watch her be with a woman, even if it was just making out. Then, if it interests you, ask her about being with a couple. But always make it about her. Avoid being too eager or she’s simply think you want to fuck other women with her blessing. Instead, if you’re comfortable with her fucking another guy — and if you’re not, then you’re a hypocrite, in my opinion — tell her how hot it would be to watch a guy enjoy what you enjoy whenever you want. Women eat that shit up … and for most men, it’s absolutely true, anyway.

For the ladies, you might encounter the same thing — your guy might just think that you’re looking for a way to fuck other men. This is a much easier hump to get over. All you need to do is explain that if you wanted to do this only because you wanted to fuck another guy, you’d simply go to the nearest bar and find a willing participant within ten minutes. Less, if your nipples are poking through your shirt.

The important thing to remember, for both sides of the gender pool, is that swinging isn’t just about sex — though that is obviously a big part of it — it’s about having an adventure together. After the first time my husband and I were with a couple, we woke up the next morning and felt closer together than we ever had before. We had shared something that not too many couples have. And it’s important to emphasis that sharing with your significant other.

As with all things, communication is the key to success. But, above all, if your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc. is definitely not into it, unfortunately, it’s best not to press the issue. That will only drive the other person away.

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